Gaslighting is a form of psychological manhandle ter which false information is introduced to the victim with the intent of making them doubt their own memory and perception. It may simply be the denial by an abuser that previous abusive incidents everzwijn occurred, or it could be the staging of bizarre events by the abuser with the intention of disorienting the victim.
The term gaslighting comes from the play Gas Light and its speelfilm adaptations. Ter those works a character uses a multitude of tricks, including turning the gas lamps lower than ordinario, to coax his spouse that she is crazy. Since then it became a colloquial expression which has now also bot used te clinical and research literature. http://plusteken.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gaslighting
The weeks, months, sometimes even years that lead up to the discovery of a playmates affair are the most grueling, mind boggling and emotionally tormenting times a betrayed spouse is coerced to mentally suffer. You know something is wrong, things don’t add up time and time again. You confront your playmate with pretty substantial proof, ask lots of questions and have all your ducks te a row, but even with all the facts te palm your playmate manages to make you think that you’re crazy. By the end of the conversation you most likely feel guilty that you even brought it up.
They will tell you that your snooping and suspicions are the cause of your relationship problems, not the behaviour you are accusing them of. This is a form of the phenomenon known spil gaslighting, and it’s one of the most hateful things a person can do to someone they profess to love. The betrayer chips away at your reality and makes you feel unassured of everything you feel and everything that you believe to be efectivo. You start to question what you know are the facts, you wiggle your head and walk away from a conversation thinking “Am I losing my mind?”. You wonder if you even know what’s auténtico anymore, you wonder if you everzwijn did! This is emotional manhandle and it’s a violent but clever tactic cheaters will use to attempt to voorkant their tracks. A very manipulative person can even manage to make you think that the distance inbetween the two of you is all your fault: If only you were a better wifey, better mother, didn’t nag! They expect you to turn a vensterluik eye and to pretend all is well and if there is a problem te the relationship – it’s you.
He will act insulted by your accusations and say you should be grateful for what you have instead of looking for reasons to rock the boat! There is no limit that he won’t reach to persuade you that everything you believe is “crazy” and “all ter your head”. He wants to emotionally demolish you, so he can control you!
Gaslighting is a form of control which cheaters attempt to disguise spil love, and it often works because it’s our unconditional love and trust wij have waterput te them that causes us to listen to and believe their bullshit stories. Fear of losing our husbands, vrouwen and family unit is what makes us buy into the garbage they are selling. Wij look for ways to explain their behaviour because wij are compassionate, and they have wooed us that wij are the problem, not them! Some examples of the things they say to get us to zekering asking questions are:
You’ve bot acting crazy lately, people are kicking off to talk
No one will everzwijn love you spil much spil I do
You’re nothing without mij
I only want the best for you
You’re so wooed I’m cheating, you voorwaarde be having an affair
Again, this behaviour is all about control, the last thing they want is for you to be asking questions, or checking ter on them. They think if they can waterput all the problems te the marriage on you that you might back off. After all, you don’t want to make a bad situation even worse by permanently arguing. Albeit this is what they’re hoping for, it’s a spel for them! Someone having an affair will actually attempt to create arguments: what better reason to leave the house to go call or meet their affair playmate. Oh, and guess what, it’s all your fault because you began the argument. Clever right? Gaslighting is very auténtico and it is emotional manhandle. It has happened to many of us, most of us just didn’t know it had a name.
I know from individual practice that when my ex spouse wasgoed eventually caught cheating, and there wasgoed no more denying the affair that one of the very first thoughts I had wasgoed “I knew it, thank Godheid I am not crazy”. Ter hindsight, my fattest regret wasgoed not trusting myself and overlooking my intuition. I had a sense of what wasgoed happening all along, but didn’t have faith te myself. If you are te the pre-discovery stage of a playmates affair or suspicious of an affair, I encourage you to read everything that you can get your forearms on about Gaslighting! I wish I had known it existed while I wasgoed suspicious of my playmate infidelity. My best advice is to always trust your intuition because that little voice te our head often knows a lotsbestemming more than wij are willing to acknowledge.