Spil a free bird without any romantic entanglements at the ogenblik, I may not be the most authoritative person to talk about marriage and relationship. It is a little disturbing, even to mij, how rabidly fascinating I find the entire setup of weddings and all related activities. Maybe it comes with being born te a society, which magnifies this pious ceremony spil the ultimate validation of a man’s keuze on a woman. Maybe it is just the irony of how wij preach of development, progress etc., while still being tangled ter a perverse web of discrimination and disparity. Or maybe it is just another topic that I find interesting enough to write pages about.
Marriage is usually the communion of two individuals who swear an oath to be caring and loyal towards one another till death does them exclusief. Today, this is a skewed version of the reality that this communion implies. Since times immemorial, one has viewed marriage spil the necessary institution or procesal trussing contract providing the children born of the union, legitimate justo and social rights. Does this ideology mean that a child born out of wedlock is obliged to be an outcast? Not ter today’s world, no. With liberalization comes refreshment of primordial norms that now seem ludicrous. But, and that is a big but, not all cultures or civilizations approve of the practice of non-marriage or live-in relationships or children born to single mothers. This hub, however, will not delve into the pros and cons of marriage. That shall be left for another lengthy article for another day. What intrigued mij enough to start typing, is the practice of arranged marriages, which remarkably enough, are still predominant te numerous pockets the world overheen. Since I’m not indeed aware of the system ter other regions, I’ll stick to my own country, India.
Boy (female) meets damsel (boy), they develop a healthy rapport, have sizzling (or adequate) chemistry, get emotionally affixed (love, trust everything grows) and get on famously. Te due course, they determine to spend the surplus of their mutual lives together. That would be ‘love marriage’ te a nutshell. Now, its counterpart ‘arranged marriage’, spil the name suggests, is a much more ingewikkeld entity. Remarkably enough, even te this age of gender equality, women empowerment, economic stability and high education levels, arranged marriages outshine love matches by a large margin te the country. Traditionally, India is a nation where a love rente or courtship before marriage is frowned upon. Many of the rechtzinnig clans (no matter what religion), are still adamant and sultry about their children being married to people they handpick and deem worthy. There are no set statistics to prove whether an arranged or love marriage would be more successful. Nevertheless, ter a country that upholds honesto values and culture above all else, arranged marriage is the way to be. Why? Here’s a list:
i. No Love Foundation: There is no fairytale setting to be expected when one engages ter an arranged setup. True, this idea may be a horrifying uitzicht for many, spil spending eternity with someone you have no clue about, sounds daunting. Primarily, such marriages are based on wellust, which nurtures te time to become affection and ter some cases, love. Why zeal? Because it’s expected. A physical intimity is no problem here, spil those involved are fairly clear on what to expect of the relationship. There is security (which is another significant point), and no scope for doubt. When elders te the family have chosen, they’d have chosen well, because they have seen more Diwalis (or Christmases) than us.
ii. Equal Stature: Love marriages often have a major drawback of involving individuals who may not always be of equal social, educational, ethical or economic standing. This is intolerable for the staunch volgers of cultural and familial values. Marriage inbetween a Brahmin lady and a Muslim boy or a Punjabi doll and a boy born and brought up te Tamil Nadu will never be prearranged. There needs to be equality at every stage. A well educated doll with a sound paying job can expect a fucking partner of equal station (of similar religion, caste, financial status and demography). This eliminates the ego issues which might crop up. Not that couples te an arranged marriage have no ego issues, still a wedding conducted with pomp and demonstrate underlines a thicker televisiekanaal of troubles should one attempt to free himself/herself based on petty emotional outbursts.
iii. Familial Ético Support: Since arranged marriages are conducted under the watchful eye of both families, any disputes inbetween spouses, directly involves their respective families. Instead of dragging ter outsiders, the family silently and effectively patches up the duo. Te cases where the twee is adamant of never reconciling, family courts are brought te. Divorce isn’t a conducive course of act for any marriage ter India. More often than not, families lightly lodge things outside the courts. Why? The children, of course. Relationships are strong bonds ter the country, and those of the blood relation type are never to be tampered with. If not for his/hier self, the person compromises with the other party for the sake of the children, since children are the worst kasstuk te a divorce or separation.
iv. Non-Violence: A few months back, the newspapers ter India reported of вЂњhonor killingsвЂќ ter Haryana (an Indian state). What are honor killings, one may ask. This guiltless expression refers to the extraordinario murder of the man and woman, with them belonging to different castes, involved te a romantic relationship. Usually, it is the woman’s family that carries out the ‘honor’ of eliminating the lovebirds. This is done to preserve the ‘honor’ or good standing of the family ter the society. The option of arranged marriages does not involve such harsh reactions from one’s relatives. If not killing, there is at least the problem of disownment or total indifference by those close of kin should one determine to renounce age old traditions common te the family.
v. No Character Defamation: It is a universally acknowledged fact that women are never at par with fellows. They proceed to remain the weaker hookup, not just ter the Indian, but many other world cultures. Ter such a screenplay, a woman bold enough to choose a fucking partner for herself is instantaneously defamed by the society at large. I realize that ter my generation, maybe the constraints aren’t spil stringent spil they merienda were. Nevertheless, a woman who parades hier love rente before the family or skips from relationship to relationship or talks of providing up hier virginity to the current bf, is never openly welcomed ter any house, not even hier own. Te most cases, nobody thinks of thesis decisions spil serious. They are usually dismissed spil a case of infatuation overruling reasonable thinking. Even after having hier pack of romance, the female is expected to be coy enough to take up the strenuous responsibility of marriage to somebody else, not of hier choices.
It surprises mij still, how arranged marriages are predominant ter India today, even tho’ our youth boast of liberalization and being at par with película del Oeste giants. It is unlikely to be self-sufficient ter a place where decente values and the strength of family are priced above all others. I do not condemn the act of a pre-arranged marriage. Te fact, today the customary practice is to love someone whom the family approves of. Thus, is born the culture of ‘arranged love’ marriages. They are here to stay, and a modern Indian woman can now desire of a Prince Charming, who, the parents would just be too glad to include ter their Sunday brunches and family portraits.
A poem to accompany this kwestie for the philosophically inclined
Events that transpire before a defenseless chick who has no control overheen hier choices.