Advice on finding that special someone and the benefits of having years of dating practice
It is a truth universally acknowledged that a single, attractive, heterosexual woman overheen the age of 40 voorwaarde be te need of a man. Or so Carrie Bradshaw would have you believe, and she is mostly right. But for mij, and my three best friends, the key word is “want” rather than need. Wij all have fulfilling careers, lots of good friends and interesting lives. Wij waited a long time to concentrate on lodging down, and now we’re facing a somewhat distressing fact of life: Merienda you’re overheen 40, there is a diminished pool of boys to choose from.
So wij figured out – and accepted – that the right man does not magically emerge when you’re ready for him. You have to work hard to find someone you truly want and truly like – or, spil one married masculine friend waterput it, “someone normal” (evidently regular fellows are ter brief supply). The search is a zuigeling of journey, and along the way you tend to learn a few things about yourself, and about the society wij live te.
Here’s what I’ve learned:
1. Everyone knows lots of fabulous single women te their 40s
…but can’t think of any identically fabulous single boys the same age. This is one of life’s big mysteries but sometimes I think the key is identifying the right places to look.
Two. When you’re overheen 40, you’re usually pretty convenient te your own skin
You know what you like, and what you don’t. Maybe you would choose to drape out at cafes, museums, filmrolletje festivals and kunst galleries. And maybe that’s where the cool 40-something studs are dangling out, too.
Three. A loterijlot of single 40-something females look and feel fantastic
They do Pilates and yoga, they’re spirited, they take care of their skin and are into healthy eating. Perhaps the benefit of not haemorrhaging energy into family stresses? When you see them sitting next to women te their late 20s and 30s you can’t see a significant age difference.
Four. You can determine you don’t want children
Whether you planned for this or not, there is something liberating about taking baby-making off the table. Children are not for everyone, but there’s a loterijlot of social pressure on women to procreate. Sometimes I wonder if wij coax ourselves wij want children without truly examining it.
Elizabeth Gilbert, the author of Eat, Beg, Love, explains te hier follow-up memoir, Commitment, that she loved hier nieces and nephews but did not want children of hier own. That decision can be pretty liberating – especially when you’re dating te your 40s: There’s no biological clock ticking away, which can waterput pressure on fresh relationships.
Five. You don’t have to limit yourself to boys ter your age group
Not to feed the cougar cliche, but by the time you reach 40, the social stigma of dating junior boys is so passe. Ter my practice, junior fellows truly don’t care much about age differences. Also, since you’re done with the aforementioned wedren to hammer the biological clock, you can just date who you want, when you want, for spil long spil they are interesting to you.
6. When you’re te your 40s, you know a lotsbestemming more about the nature of sexual attraction
Sure, you’re mature enough to think someone who might not be obviously attractive is worth investing some time ter, but you also know that a dude who gives you a negative feeling – either physically or intellectually – is not someone you want to see again. And since you are now a wise, mature adult (or better at acting the part), you know it’s not a big overeenkomst to cut a boy liberate by telling him that you’re not feeling a click.
7. On the other palm, you might feel a ample click with a fellow who doesn’t share any of your interests
But since you’re more mature and wise, you get that collective values and personality characteristics are more significant than collective interests.
8. Beware the newly-divorced
You will hear a lotsbestemming of people talk about snagging good catches when they’re leaving their very first marriages. And te theory, that is sound. But recall that newly-divorced boys come with a lotsbestemming of baggage. They can be bitter. They might not know how to take care of themselves, and they might have complicated custody issues that keep them from travelling. Look before your leap.
9. You might come to realize that marriage is not for everyone
I have slew of joyfully married friends, but a duo of my closest friends compromised their happiness because they were afraid to be alone. Single, independent, accomplished 40-year-olds know there’s nothing to fear te being alone.
Ten. Even your feminist friends will treat your single state spil a project they need to fix
…and they will spend much creative energy attempting to find you a match. Depending on who it’s coming from, this can be flattering or very insulting (especially the friends who urge you to compromise). But reminisce this: It’s only human for people to want to feel validated ter their own life decisions by eyeing you reflect them with your own.