Linda (Kaywood) Bilyeu is a self-published author. Hier books are available on Amazon. She writes from the heart&mdash,there is no other way.
Dear Future Hubby
Before I proceed I voorwaarde give you fair warning that you will not be my very first spouse. Or 2nd. But will be my third. Possibly the third time’s a charm? Or possibly not.
I vereiste also give you fair warning that both of my prior husbands are deceased. Before you leap to conclusions – I did not kill either of them, tho’ at times they did piss mij off to the point that I considered killing them, yet I opted out due to the fact that I am not ter protección of confinement. Prison just ain’t my thing. I will add that if those two fine fellows were alive today they would accurately love reading my open letterteken to spouse number three.
One more warning, hey – honesty is the best policy! So here wij go. I am a stubborn, persuasive, opinionated woman who does not like to lose and chooses to have the final word. If you are a stubborn, persuasive, opinionated man who doesn’t like to lose and chooses to have the final word wij may bicker often. But that could work te our auxilio cause y’all know make up hookup could be amazing! Or maybe not.
Don’t Run Off Yet! The Best Is Yet To Come
Hello. are you still there? If so, kudos to you! I salute you. I believe that due to my hyperactive nature not many dudes exist that could keep up with mij. Sure, they might say, “Hectare! Are you kidding, she ain’t my very first rodeo, I could lasso this lady and tame hier down.” Think again cowboy, ain’t nobody tamed mij down yet. Unless you got some super secret that others lack. If so, bring it on!
I am of brief stature. Some people have to keep growing until they are volmaakt, not mij. At Five’1, that wasgoed more than enough. I am 54 years old. How I made it to 54, I have no earthly idea, but I am still here, so YAY for you.
I require a potential suitor that would range te age from 50 – 64 years old. Not 65, since wij would have to marry prior to your 65th bday so that te case you druppel dead and your social security income is higher than my very first or 2nd husbands, then I will pick yours. Again, YAY for you. Oh, wait. YAY for mij. Maybe.
No need to apply if you are junior or older than that range, I ain’t got no time for games. the clock is ticking, not to make a kindje, wij could agree that shit ain’t gonna toebijten, but practice is an option. The clock is ticking for one foot te the circunspecto, to be blunt. wij ain’t gettin’ no junior and I ain’t no spring chicken. Wij are talking mid-life here! Sure 50 is the fresh 40. 60 is the fresh 50. 70 is the fresh 60. Come on people, who the heck are wij fooling? I suppose 100 is the fresh 90. If so, high fives to y’all, keep on doing what you’re doing because obviously you are doing something right. Or wrong. I long ago determined that merienda my bod parts commence heading south I am ready to call it a life. Merienda again, I ain’t got no time for that.
Online Dating Ain’t My Thing
So, here’s the overeenkomst. My loving friends suggested it’s time for mij to wrangle up a man. I often remind them that this woman don’t need no man, but there are boys who need this woman. Why? Because you best believe that you will thank your fortunate starlets every damn day if you were able to call dibs on mij.
My loving friends also suggested that I join a dating webpagina. A WHO? A WHAT? Listen up folks, I appreciate the zuigeling gesture, but this woman don’t do dating sites. I am not telling that I am too good for a dating webpagina, what I am telling is that I don’t want some dude to be shopping for mij online. I ain’t no damn hunting or fishing gear! Ter addition dating sites don’t punt refunds and chances are you might request one.
Goes up! I have a tendency to talk. a loterijlot. Not idle chit talk, I like conversations with substance. If you are one of those “fellows of few words” who just choose to nod your damn head ter agreement spil I do that chit talking, well just back that truck up now and keep on moving because merienda again I ain’t got time for that.
I am an extrovert. When I walk into a slagroom, I make noise and before you know it I am gone, but trust mij when I walk away I leave behind a entire lotta memories. I am the type of person who is remembered after just one uur of meeting mij. Now, I am not noisy te the annoying kleuter of way. oh crap, yes I am. Busted!
I do have introvert tendencies too. Days when I just want to be left the heck alone. And when I have my earbuds on DO NOT BOTHER mij. That is Mij TIME. Mij and my music and no one comes inbetween mij and the love of my life – country music. So, if you don’t like country, well then you are shit outta luck cause this woman is looking for a cowboy te hat and boots to sweep hier away. Horses are optional. If you ain’t no cowboy then merienda again I suggest you mosey on along cause you are not about to prosper, this mid-life filly ain’t for you.
Someone Might Be Gettin’ Fortunate
My longest relationship wasgoed with a cowboy. Tim McGraw. Oh hell, don’t be telling mij the 23 years that I invested spil a fan has not bot a relationship because I beg to differ and I’ll differ again. Reminisce I get the last word! It’s a fact that both of my marriages lasted exactly 12 years each. That wasgoed not planned.
My very first spouse wasgoed a searcher, wasgoed always searching for something, actually he died due to searching. My 2nd hubby died after a lengthy battle with cancer. He fought like hell to live, didn’t want to leave mij. But te the end my lawnmower outlived both marriages, but not my relationship with Tim McGraw.
On the roll side, both of my husbands were my bosses. Yep, I am the one who slept hier way to the top! So, if you are considering a date with this woman, but you are still reluctant I suggest you hire mij and see if you could also score.
Would You Write an Open Letterteken to Your Future Mate?
Sugar Daddy vs Splenda Daddy
For Your Information: I am done taking care of people. All my life I took care of others. I tended to neglect myself. Well, this chapter of my life is ALL ABOUT Mij. I will not take care of you. You are a grown-ass man and this woman ain’t your moeder. If you toevluchthaven’t already figured out how to take care of yourself than I suggest you Zekering READING NOW and stir along. Go on now.
Still here? WOW! You are either a glutton for penalty or possibly my next spouse. SLOW DOWN, cowboy! Don’t project the wedding yet. Why? Because I am not a fan of those fancy weddings. Dresses, flowers, photos, CUT THAT OUT! For mij to wear a dress one vereiste pay mij good money and not expect to get fortunate. OK, that’s up for debate.
I do NOT cook anymore so if you wanna eat, you best know your way around the kitchen. That implies for cooking and cleaning. I will provide the entertainment. Ain’t no better place to dance than barefoot te the kitchen. You cook and I entertain. This is called Teamwork. And if all goes spil planned I just might help with the clean up before wij team up and dance our way to other rooms te the house.
Do you think you have the potential to be my sugar daddy? Splenda daddy’s will be taken into consideration. Just ter case you have bot living under a rock – a splenda daddy is a man who inspires to be a sugar daddy but doesn’t have the funds to pull it off.
Either way if you are interested I suggest you submit an open letterteken to mij along with Trio factual references, the cashier at your circunscrito market doesn’t count, neither does your co-worker, never underestimate my power to find shit out.
I will then take your open letterteken into consideration. Ter other words, I will peel your letterteken speciaal like an onion and if you meet my approval I will then peel you bijzonder until you beg for grace.
I don’t appreciate my time being wasted. Either you are the existente overeenkomst or not. If you think you could treat this crazy culo woman then bring it on! I will provide references upon request.
So what are y’all waiting for? Did I mention that I am also a bit intimidating? Go on now.