Why Doesn – t He Introduce Hier To People They Bump Into? Relationship Advice

Dear Veronica,

I’ve bot dating this stud for 7 weeks now. I think everything is going pretty well but he does something that has mij questioning things. Whenever wij are out ter public and wij bump into someone he knows, he does not introduce mij. When wij very first commenced dating I didn’t notice this so I’m not sure if he did it or not. I don’t indeed know why I wasn’t paying attention. I’m attempting to be fair here with you so you can give mij the best advice you know. I began realizing a duo of weeks ago. Wij live te an area where he wasgoed born and raised so wij bump into at least one person he knows everywhere wij go. I feel like he is jumpy sometimes when wij see people he knows but he is also jumpy when he asks mij out and he gets flustered sometimes when he talks to mij. Sometimes it’s like he can’t unwind. Do you think he’s hiding something? I am 21 and he’s 22. I’ve never called him on this. I didn’t know what I should do. Indeed everything else inbetween us is fine. He calls mij every day and texts mij a few times. If I call him he always takes my call even at work. He always asks mij for another date while wij are out and looks all jumpy and then when I say yes he looks eased and blessed. I have eaten dinner at his parents house with him for a family event and met his parents and everyone. I have met his roomie te his apartment a few times, too. I just can’t figure this out. Can you?

Dear Tina,

You asked if I think he has something to hide. Not introducing you to people he knows could be a sign of that, but I just don’t see that ter your situation. If there wasgoed actually a secret he wasgoed hiding, he would have stopped taking you out te public. He wouldn’t keep putting himself te the situation of being busted. If he wasgoed hiding something significant he wouldn’t have introduced you to his parents and family, or his roomy. Thesis are pretty significant introductions.

Now, let’s examine the insignificant bump-in introductions he’s avoiding.

From what you’ve collective I think it’s more likely that he’s afraid of what you’ll think. You said he’s flustered and sometimes jumpy when asking you out. That indicates for mij that he indeed likes you. He may be into you ter a fairly big way and he’s attempting to make a good impression and be on his best behavior.

You said he wasgoed born and raised te this area where you guys live. So, you could be bumping into people that he’s known from childhood or high schoolgebouw. He could be afraid thesis people might say something ter joy that will be embarrassing. They could be foolish things like that he gulped a quarter when he wasgoed 6, to that he mooned a teacher te 8 th grade. It could be more regrettable things like that he got fired from a job for forging his time card or that he overheen indulging at some party. While you may want to hear the stories that have made him who he is, he may feel worried that you’ll dislike him if a conversation pops up about an earlier time te his life.

I’m glad you mentioned your ages because this is a significant point te his life. I’ve spoken about this on many Hubs. He has just gone through a physiological switch. His anterior lobes have very likely just developed. This is the part of the brain that gives us an understanding of consequence. For the very very first time ter his life, he has a realistic seize of the long-term ramifications of his choices.

Here’s an example. If he wants to buy a fresh rekentuig and happens to have the money te his pocket to do it, at age 16 he’d very likely just go do it. No anterior lobes, no thought to future credit ratings or things he’ll need money for next week or next month, no concern overheen what will toebijten if he can’t pay a car insurance payment or buy gas. He doesn’t think about what’s truly wrong with his old pc that this purchase is even necessary. It’s not that the 16 year old is stupid, it’s just that thesis things don’t naturally click. Literally the physical part of the brain that houses this kleintje of rationalization does not exist yet.

Now consider the same situation happening to him at age 22. He wants a fresh pc. Now, there’s a part of his physiology that’s fresh and it is making him think about things ter an all fresh way. He thinks about rent, and the car payment. He thinks about the pc he has now and that it’s not that old and it works fine. He thinks about carrying this fresh pc huis on the subway, and that this may not be a wise decision. He thinks about maybe selling his old one to come up with a down payment on a fresh one and possibly financing the surplus to build credit, and how this may cabrón well years from now when he wants a mortgage. He thinks about the money he wasted last summer on things he didn’t need, that he could have waterput toward a fresh laptop now. He thinks about other things he wants and needs, and what the differences are, and how to prioritize thesis lists. He thinks, if he waits a few months maybe he could ask for a pc allowance at his fresh job, or the money his grandparents give to him for Christmas, or how maybe he should research this fresh pc for a while very first.

He still may say ah screw it and go buy the pc. But he is going to think about a entire bunch of different things he would never have thought of 6 years ago.

Keep this switch te mind. He’s only just getting used to some fresh thinking patterns. He’s understanding consequence. He’s realizing that your possible dismay and his embarrassment are now consequences to decisions he made te the past. Everyone from high schoolgebouw he bumps into is a potential landmine te his head. It’s a entire nest of things that he hadn’t truly thought about before ter this fresh way.

There’s also a cifra of validation to his decision here. The very first time he didn’t introduce you went well. So, there’s some quiet consent. It may have bot back before you were actually noticing. It may have bot more recently. Maybe this has only bot happening for spil long spil you’ve bot aware of it. That would make sense too, maybe it took him a few weeks of dating you and getting to know you to realize how much he likes you. Since he sidestepped on the introductions and you said nothing, and went out with him again, he witnessed reason to believe it wasgoed OK to do that.

That’s one good possibility of what’s going on with him. And don’t leave behind it could be the main one but it’s also bot combined with a few other classic things like that one time it wasgoed someone who’s name he couldn’t recall, or another time that it wasgoed someone he doesn’t like. Maybe one time you guys bumped into someone he feels he pales te comparison to, so surely he wasgoed not going to introduce a chick he likes to this fellow who could steal hier attention away.

Tina, you indeed won’t know until you speak to him about it. If he likes you spil much spil he seems to, he won’t want you to be awkward. He’ll want to onberispelijk this. My advice is to treatment it te a non-confrontational way te the uur. The next time it happens you could go ahead and introduce yourself to the person. Or you could let it pass and then say to him privately afterward, “Hey, why didn’t you introduce us?”

Don’t leave behind, deeds speak louder than words. If you ask and he shrugs it off, wait and see what happens the next time. He may have bot embarrassed. He may have bot confused spil to the entire thing, dealing with fresh thoughts and concerns. But if that’s the case, he will juist the behavior now that he’s aware.

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