I – m Having an Affair with the UPS Man

UPS Man

MAD TV Delivery Boy

This is a dedication to my spouse who permanently harasses and ribs mij about the UPS man. If only he knew!

I am having an affair with the UPS man, well at least I think I am. Yes it is a secret so please don’t tell my spouse. Of course this wasgoed corded to toebijten. Being alone at huis all day makes a damsel a little restless even if I am working from huis and taking care of the house and kids. There are still many days of boredom and restlessness. I mean the UPS man takes mij through all of thesis emotions on a daily fundament spil I sit and wait for him to come to my onderbrak and bring mij whatever package I am waiting for. There is something nasty about a man bringing a package to the house when no one else is huis. It embarked off innocently enough and then simply spun out of control.

I open the vanwege and there he stands dressed all te brown he is a gorgeous man and that brown uniform fits him just right. He is holding a package te his mitt and leisurely extends the package towards mij. “Here you go Maam” he says with a smile. “Thank you.” I say scarcely getting it out before he turns around quickly to leave. “Goodbye” I yell out and without turning back around he swings at mij while still walking back to his truck. That wasgoed the very first of many encounters to come inbetween the two of us.

The very first few encounters were totally guiltless but after awhile wij began to notice each other. A friendly wave while I wasgoed walking down the street, or spil I passed his speeding truck. Our time is usually inbetween the hours of 1pm and 3pm during the week.

Our affair began one afternoon when I wasgoed huis alone. Work wasgoed slow and I wasgoed attempting to drum up more business. I wasgoed tired and wished to take a nap and knew that wouldn’t be possible or I would feel exceptionally guilty. Even tho’ it wasgoed against my better judgment I crawled into bloemperk and took a brief nap. I hadn’t bot asleep long when I heard a knock at the voort and ran to see who it wasgoed. When I opened the vanwege there wasgoed that fantastic man all ter brown standing there with a package te his palm. I attempted not to look too excited at his presence but I wasgoed blessed to see anyone at this ogenblik (I am sure other stay-at-home moms understand that feeling when there is an adult ter the slagroom and you can actually have a positivo conversation). Wasgoed I watching something te his eye too? Wasgoed he a mischievous UPS man looking for a lonely housewife?

I knew that my thoughts were crazy and my deeds would be even nastier. I kept telling myself that this wasgoed exceptionally wrong but wasgoed not sure if I could zekering myself. I took the package and set it down next to mij so that I could sign for it. Wij made some lighthearted exchange for a few moments and then I heard the phone stadionring. I had no idea where the phone wasgoed and wished to totally disregard it. But it seemed to be getting louder and louder. Why wasgoed it ringing so loudly? I could not disregard the ringing any longer. Why wasn’t the answering machine picking up? I eventually woke up. Had I bot sleeping? Wasgoed it all just a desire? I attempted to gather my thoughts spil I heard a knock at the ingevolge. I made my way down the antesala to the pui wegens. I opened the vanwege leisurely. It wasgoed the UPS man. I had bot dreaming. I wasgoed slightly disappointed and a little loosened. I reddened spil he had mij sign for the package and verified that I wasgoed the lady of the house. If only he knew that wij were having an affair.

After a wish like that I will never look at the UPS man the same way again. The man te brown that has accomplish control of my every emotion making mij giddy like a schoolgebouw damsel when he makes a delivery and making mij feel scorned like a jilted paramour when he drives right past my house. I now have a fresh appreciation of and love for the color brown of course I have not told my hubby about my fascination but I think he has his suspicions.

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